Friday, February 6, 2015

Rah Rah for Reality (21 Jan 2015)

I've taken the bid day Snapchats. I've done the chants. I've painted the monogram letters. I've “thrown what I know.”  I've doodled the fleur-de-lis.
But I've also cried. I've ripped the blue letters away from my door. I've thought about ripping the streamers away from neighbors’ doors. How could they get exactly what I wanted? How could they be happy while I’m stuck here in the group of the “weirdos”, the “rejects”?
I’m now a sorority girl. More specifically, I’m a Kappa Kappa Gamma.
I went through the recruitment process telling myself I wouldn't let myself be a Kappa. I had heard the stereotype–these were “the girls no one else wanted.”
Note that I've put all of these stereotypes in quotation marks. Because let me tell you, they are complete and utter bullshit.
I started crying in my bid day room. I tried to hide it, but to no avail. An older sister pulled me out of the room, telling me that she felt the same way on her bid day. In fact, she handed her bid back and left. She told me I was braver than her, and that what this group of people saw in me was someone who could help build the organization. I will tell you, with complete honesty, that this may be the sweetest, most genuine person I have ever met.
I’ve since started giving the girls a chance. It took a day of crying, but I’m getting to know these girls. I went to high school with one of them. I was in the band with a few more. Two of these girls were my best friends since I arrived on campus. And I will tell you this much. These women are no more “weirdos” than anyone else. We’re all weird. And there is nothing wrong with that. If you’re not weird, you’re not for me.
So to the people that keep the stereotyping going around through rumors, to the girls who will go through recruitment next year just hoping that they won’t end up in this group so that they won’t have to have this reputation, just know this: a stupid outdated stereotype doesn't define you. It’s what you make of the situation you’re in. If you need to run away from your bid day, so be it. If you need time to cry, that’s fine. But I know that the sisterhood I have been offered is second only to the relationship I have with my biological sister. It has been 24 hours, and I already know that these are some of the best women I will ever surround myself with. That’s what truly matters–not the name that outside people give us.
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Comments from old blog:

Dr. Herron: Thanks for this very poignant post, Sydney. I have to admit that I am totally ignorant of the culture surrounding sororities and fraternities, and certainly of the reputations that they have. I’ve always personally felt affinity for the Groucho Marx joke–retold famously by Woody Allen in Annie Hall–that “I don’t care to belong to any club that would have me as a member.” I’ve found that I tend to project this sense on to situations even when it is unwarranted. And it sounds like you have found the same–this group you initially felt unsure about turned out to be a wonderful group that you feel lucky, even privileged to be a part of

Tucker: Great thoughts. Just so you know, I’ve heard a lot of stereotypes about sororities at Furman, and the one that Kappa Kappa Gamma is where “the girls no one wants go to” is one I haven’t heard before. I’m saying this to let you know that not everyone has that opinion of your sorority. I agree with you in that what happens inside the sorority (aka the obvious strong sisterhood) is much more important than what anyone outside says about the group. I’m sure you’ll make the best out of it and end up having an amazing time there.

Kat: I have friends who were in the same position as you were. They were unhappy with the bids they received, but many of them did not handle it as well as you did. One of my friends cried for three days before taking a personal day off of classes and going home for two days. I am not at all what anyone would typically peg as a sorority girl; I love to watch sports, eat wings, and I get along incredibly well with guys and incredibly awkwardly with girls. Well, groups of girls larger than maybe 2-3. I like the way you phrase that an outdated stereotype shouldn’t define you. By damn if I’m a tomboy and I want more than 2 girls as friends then I’m going to do it. “I contain Multitudes” is a quote by whitman that I think helps drive home the point that everyone is comprised of many different qualities that make it very hard for us to fit into a rigid stereotype. Sororities are about finding a group of girls that makes Furman feel a little bit more like home, and if you get that in Kappa then you are a winner at the end of the day.

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